Special Skills

I’m used to jobs which ask for bilingual applicants, but this one took me by surprise. It’s for a ‘Dog Grooming Stylist’ in New Malden. Applicants need “excellent communication skills [which] will be fully utilised as you will be dealing with customers and their pets on a daily basis.” For an example of how to talk to animals, see this scene from Tommy Wiseau’s classic film The Room.

Candidates also need competence in ‘all aspects of grooming’. The ad helpfully notes that: “grooming your own pet does not qualify as professional experience”. I guess I'll have to tear up my applications for taxi driver, dishwasher and chef.